April 16, 2008
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Yesterday we learned a great deal more about Mommy’s left arm.
Finally…the stitches are out on Hillary’s left elbow and though Steri-Strips had to be placed on the incision, they won’t last more than about a week. Her “torture device” was adjusted and we learned Hillary’s prognosis on the arm had been quite guarded. If Dr. Tressler told me the details of his concern that evening after her surgery I did not really hear him. We now know Hillary’s ulnar nerve had been completely encapsulated in the new (and unwanted) bone growth. The ulnar nerve is important for movement in the upper arm which not only engages the upper arm to move, but offers control to keep the arm from gravity drop with her lack of muscle use. This brilliant doctor “removed” the nerve and repositioned it in another location in hopes it could reroute and reengage her arm for movement and control. It wasn’t until Hillary demonstrated new movement in other parts of her arm and hand as well as information shared about conversations with Occupational Therapist, Catherine, that Dr. Tressler felt we could expect great recovery of the arm. Perhaps full recovery….but of course, he continues to be a bit guarded. As Sammie said today, “We will make it happen and now we have even more reason to ‘show our stuff’”. In any case, Hillary’s willingness to work the schedule planned for her uncomfortable “torture” device is going to be a challenge. We recognize it is painful but of course none of us can determine just how painful…except Hillary. (And she is ready to inform you of that at any moment!) How can anyone argue with her, and particularly in light of the happiness we feel every time she shows increased cognitive development…which she does every day around most any subject. But the painful challenges she deals with and how every painful step in her journey is hers and not ours, brings on extremely enlightened and cognitive discussions. She wants us to be the extremely enlightened ones, if you catch my drift. .
Paul and I talked last evening about how careful we were when our children were young to avoid the annoying parental habit of bragging on our kids. And, to a fault, I was guilty of not supporting our children when controversy would arise that might place child against authoritarian such as a teacher. I still believed in the principles my parents taught me that the world is made up of authorities and each and every one of them had to receive our respect, even if we didn’t always feel they were right. Their motto was much like John Mellencamp’s : “…Authority always wins.” So I would usually take the side of authority and rarely “believe” my children’s side trying perhaps to hard not be one of “those parents” (Quotation marks clearly demonstrated by two fingers from each hand as I say, “those parents” of course)
Last night we realized I have thrown all the old behavior out and completely and shamelessly have become a bragging Mom. My kids would say I have become a bragging “Paducah Mom” (A name I now cherish instead of bristle upon hearing that I deserve the name. But that’s a whole bunch of other stories and a lifetime ago. Just know Alex Coltharp, I consider that title a fine honor and don’t your forget it!) But I digress: It’s true….we have become shamelessly bragging parents and we just can’t help ourselves. When so many of our friends were able to share the joyous news of their children’s scholastic achievements or brilliant accomplishments, we used to laugh at ourselves and say there needs to be a bumper sticker for parents like us that says, “My __(insert school)__ student is fun at parties.” And oh to be sure the Coltharp kids were! But after yesterday’s trip to the Trauma Clinic and watching Hillary speak to the women who were around us in the waiting area….watching how deeply she holds the heart of her doctor’s and other’s on that medical team…. I realized it’s impossible not to brag on her. She’s special in every way. And if she never improves beyond this level, she has gifts to offer beyond anything (or anyone) we have ever met. She held every single patient and caregiver in that clinic in the palm of her hand. They couldn’t stay away, even when their individual work for her was completed. I tell her every day how proud I am to be her Mom and I mean it in every way. And as Dr. John said to her, “Hillary, you are a better parent in all of this than some on their best days.”
And the same goes for the rest of our crazy fun kids. We are so proud to be their parents. In trying to determine Hillary’s Rancho Level (Coma Stage) today, I remember long ago setting on a bed in Hillary’s hospital room in Vanderbilt reading out the descriptions of each level. As I read aloud, Paul and I were surrounded by our children who hung on every word — supporting their sister (and us) all the way. Looking back on that time, Ashley was often at Hillarys side–swamped with trying to coordinate an army of her “Nashville Girls” who were feeding us and offering respite as we lived through each difficult day. All the while our first born kept a perfect house, excelled in her busy career and dealt with her first pregnancy. And Alex was driving in from school every possible weekend to help in his own way leaving fun college weekend life behind—offering to help in transportation with her son if a visit was possible, as well as spending the night with his sister. And Brittany was there to help us in her own way as well, and through the challenges of a six day a week new career. And it hasn’t stopped. This weekend our children have decided they are taking over and giving us a chance to be alone and “off duty”… and they aren’t taking “No” for an answer. They are very special kids and without a doubt, still very fun at parties!
And by the way, that day so many months ago, as I sat on the bed reading out the Rancho Level descriptions to my family…(hoping above all hope she was embarking on a Level II or a Level III)…I can remember thinking, “Oh if only she could someday get to a Level VIII.”. And then I remember also saying to myself, “Uh oh….I’m pretty sure I’m a Level X!”. But with joyful news we are beginning to see that day very near. Hillary is definitely showing firm signs of Level VII and we all see such swift progress we feel Level VIII is just around the corner with perhaps some signs already emerging. ZOOM ZOOM!
And whatever her Rancho Level, we could never be more proud of anyone. As we left Dr. Tressler’s office yesterday, we left among “Good bye Honey” and “Thanks for talking to me” and so many well wishes I can’t begin to describe them all. We are very proud!
Thanks for loving our girl!
XOXOX
–Shawn
