Hillary is doing great and making phone calls like a champ.  I had meetings in Nashville yesterday and the "Wilford Boys" were sick, so it was great to be able to help out just a little. 

It's going to be a busy weekend with Hillary and her son with parties and T-Ball and ending it with the "Hair Show" in Nashville.  It was nice to get a little rest before we get going.  

Tomorrow Hillary has an important appointment with Dr. Konrad, her nuerosugeon, and we hope to hear the surgery was a roaring success.  We will keep you posted. 

XOXO

--Shawn

Gretchen wrote:

ZOOM ZOOM!

Oh my goodness. Hillary and I had an awesome day together. I am so glad I could help Sammie out!!!!! Hillary has no idea but she is my therapy. She is my therapy from daily home stressors and job stress. She is such an inspiration to me. I just wish she could remember. When I arrived at the house, Sammie had cracked the whip and exhausted Hillary with her morning workout. So there I sat twiddling my thumbs praying I could find something to watch on TV while Hillary napped. There was no way I was going to wake her up because I've seen that already when she has missed her nap. :) It wasn't long when I heard a strong voice saying "Hey I'm freezing in here!!' I went to her and turned off her fan...and off to sleep she went again! Darn that Sammie!!! But it wasn't long she was up and ready to go. We sat in the living room for awhile reconnecting with each other. I asked Hillary if she knew it was beautiful day outside. She said she would love to see it so off we went outside for a little stroll/roll. Once we were outside we sat in the sun for a few minutes enjoying the weather. Much to my surprise there was a chicken mcnugget attack looming. So I told her, "I'm not sure if I can do this, Hillary", but with confidence she said "Don't worry, I will help you." So off we went to McDonalds. As soon as we got in the car, she changed the radio station, and said "You love the same music I do." Then she proceeded to tell me all the stations she had programmed in her car. I kept thinking to myself I wonder if that is true, and I then remembered, we have the same "VW" car so the interiors are very similar. She showed me where each station was located in "her" car. WOW!!! Once at McDonalds we made our purchases and I said, " Where to next?"   She said, "The mall."  I asked her if she remembered the "Quilters" and she told me she did. So I took her to the mall and showed her all the traffic. Thank goodness she changed her mind!!!! Our next stop was Noble Park where we watched the ducks (which I despise), kids skating, and yes, Quilters!!! We finally settled on a shady spot to eat our lunch and so we could watch all the children playing. She loved it and watched every move, and she talked about how much she misses her son. We giggled and talked about boys, and her dating soon.

Then we talked about her accident. She told me that she remembers 3 angels surrounding her when she was laying on the ground. She said they sang to her. I was speechless. She looked at me and said "I saw God too". Let me tell you there were tears and cold chills in that playground at that moment. She was so intense. I can't describe that moment, but I will never forget her look or the way she spoke to me.

After I finished my sandwich we were off again!!! I spoke to her about my boyfriend John, and she said, "Lets go see him. We met up with him after his lunch. Typical Hillary.... she flirted, and so did John. Apparently they have a date. It was the first time he had actually met her in person. And of course they immediately connected. They laughed and talked like old friends. A few minutes later he called me and said, she is AWESOME. Then he asked if she would remember their visit. I told him unfortunately not. I said she might recognize your face. I think it broke his heart. It was a bitter sweet moment for him. I had to show him the website just to remind us how far she has come. So I am pretty sure she has his heart too,,, and more visits are in his near future

My mom called on our way "home" and said come on by the house. Once again Hillary was up for the visit. She remembered my mom immediately. She said you are Gretchen's mother (I think she remembered her cooking). Mom cried, of course. Then Hillary met my dad. You have to know my dad. He and Hillary just connected. And she talked his ear off!!! She met my dogs, too. She thought she was going to be sneaky and hide one in her wheelchair and take him home. You're welcome for taking care of that one!!!!   

After our visit and few photo ops, I was on my way "home" again. Well I thought. My parents live out in the country, so we were on back  roads. Hillary said, "I don't know where I am."  So we took a little bit of a different route to try and find some landmarks. I got to Berger Road and Lone Oak, and I said "Anything look familiar yet?" She said, "Yep, Kroger is on the left."  I asked her which way I needed to turn onto Lone Oak Road. She said its faster to turn Right!!! WOW!! Once we turned on 32nd Street I said, "I bet this looks very familiar..." She said, "If you turn right, Great Expectations is on the left." She WOW!!! Then she asked, "Can we stop by there?"  I pulled to the back and she said "I want to walk ." I told her it would be a long walk, but she insisted. I had to try "Okee Dokee, here we go.Hillary lets walk up the ramp." But no...she wanted the stairs. There are only three but I was scared to death. We made it to the first step. It wasn't Hillary praying out loud  It was me!!!!! "Dear Lord God, please don't let her fall, especially on my watch. Amen!!"! Like a pro she took the hand rail in her left hand, and it was left foot first step, RIGHT FOOT, second step (okay this is where I really freaked out). Left foot on third step and we were done. She put ALL of her weight on her RIGHT FOOT. She never slowed down. Once we made it to the door, she decided she wanted her wheel chair. I was so happy to hear those words. I think I needed it worse than she did. I might add she didn't use her walker, This was all on her own. She remembered everyone's names almost always correctly without being prompted. She got her "unibrow" waxed and I could tell she was getting tired so we were off to our final stop ....Home!

When we arrived home she finished her nuggets and of course, tried to convince me to go get more......didn't work. She decided a nap might be nice. I never heard a word out of her. I think she was exhausted!  I think I even dozed a little......emotionally and physically. It was an AWESOME day!

Sorry if I have rambled on too long. But it was just great!!!!!!

Love you guys,

Gretchen

“Ms.YaYa Goes to Washington.”  And now Mommy and Aunt Ashley are having a slumber party. We’ll all have one with you next weekend, Max. 

It was an amazing week in DC for Hillary and others who are impacted in so many ways by trauma.  Trauma not only encompasses the one injured in an accident, but their families are considered trauma survivors as well; called the “second trauma”.  Second trauma victims’ lives are changed in a split second—though we often think only of the accident victims.  This week I heard a psychologist from Johns Hopkins say, “Trauma is like the draft.  You didn’t ask for it, want it, or plan for it….. But you are drafted and in it and there is no way out of it.”   Just a few weeks ago a woman told me (in different words) that the residuals of Hillary’s trauma and changes resulting in Max’s life (and those taking care of Max right now) are the result of “Hillary’s very bad choices.”  (I believe she was referring to the the lack of seatbelt use that day)  I don’t think Hillary chose to be in an accident….nor did Bob and his sons in his first trauma years ago…..or his wife’s debilitating accident seven years later.    And I don’t think my new friend Pam would say her then thirteen year old son made a bad decision when their family was thrust into trauma survivorship through a car accident on his way home from school.   Their trauma and ours were horrible irreversible accidents….and only that.  So obviously, Hillary and Max (and the rest of our family and others in the family of trauma) are always in my heart and in my discussions with every exciting step of what is happening in DC this week.  But the important strategy discussions and presented plans for trauma survivor resources which are quickly unfolding will support so many more in the future.   Our soldiers in Iraq are dealing with thousands of traumatic brain injuries and we owe so much to them and to their “second trauma” families who love and support them and their care needs.  Hillary would never believe she has played such an important part in the rights for them and others....and only because she is a sweet and beautiful young mother who has a story to tell.  There are so many more stories which need to be shared around our region and around the world.  Within our own state, the Kentucky General Assembly is expected to move quickly in the right direction (we hope!) for establishing a much needed trauma system and ensured rights for trauma survivors and their families. With enormous pressure building from hospitals and medical professionals across the state, it appears Hillary’s story will play a significant role there as well.  Our family is so honored to be surrounded by such important, caring people.   And it’s wonderful to hear our elected officials say sponsoring such legislative change is the absolutely right thing to do.  (More to come in a week or two)

But for now, our two oldest girls are going to take over Hillablog.  Paul and I are locked away and totally on vacation for the weekend, while Ashley and Hillary (and friends) are at home together.  Last evening my "boyfriend" Paul and I sat knee to knee on bar stools, enjoying a late dinner and a cocktail together as we talked and talked until the place was about to close.  And as we continued the discussion in our weekend room, it hit us: We were like a couple of young parents on vacation that couldn't stop talking about their young children.  The discussions then (and now) were filled with the latest great thing one of the children had done that both of us already knew about.  And weren’t these the same kids we needed a break from….then and now?  What is it about parents when they finally get their much needed weekend away and time to reconnect with each other, that they spend so much of the precious time talking about those kids?!?!?

So it’s no more talking this weekend about what is unfolding for legislation and resources around Hillary and Max’s rights and the rights of other parents and children of trauma….well at least not until I tell him a couple of more things I forgot last night. Oh and I have to remind myself to tell him about a mother who was in a coma and though she made no signs of response to her medical team and family, she could hear each person in her room for weeks.  As they continued to tell her all was well with her children, she assumed they were lying to her trying to “bring her back” instead of revealing the likely death of her children.  Though her children were severely injured and unable to come to their mother’s beside, all are fine now.   

So with Paul promising not to talk much longer about Hillary’s progress from the week… (though I promised he could tell me more about Hillary climbing steps to the salon yesterday with Gretchen)….  we have absolutely decided after listening to each other’s voice messages from Hillary and our other kids  (about Hillary), we are going to totally stop thinking about anything else about kids.  Oh, except when he comes back upstairs I have just one more story to tell him about what Ashley told me they were all going to do last night.  And now he’s saying I HAVE to hear about what she told him about Max yesterday… And then there are the cognitive test results we can’t wait to see.    We’re hopeless!

Thank you for staying with our family through your continued prayers for Hillary and Max.

XOXOXO

--Shawn

Life is on its way back to normal and the joyful things we find in it are likely different than what we had expected before Hillary's accident.  But who really knows what normal is anyway?

I had driven back into our carport after dropping something off at my parents when I saw it.  It was the proof of progress I needed and the sign that life was heading back to normal.  It had been a couple of very tiring days.  When I came in to ask Paul if he had added the important ornament to Max's bike or if Max had placed it there himself, Paul said, "Nope...Max did it.  Isn't it great? It's Re-Cycling at its best."  I think you will agree on this one, a picture is worth a thousand words

Re-Cyling to avoid TBIs--Progress with a Zoom!

Right now the Cardinals and the Cubs are out in the front yard and the game is about to be Mercy Called..  (Sorry about all you other team fans, but those are the only two teams that play on our field.) Our friend Rob Hefner got a very early call from Max this morning, and among many things to talk about, they finished their morning off with a great game.  Max was so happy to see him and their next visit plans to be a day of fishing for Mommy and Max at Rob's pond; where Max has caught "the big fish" on a past excursion.

There were so many more signs of life on its way to a return to "normal" (though no one who knows the Coltharps would ever call life at our house normal).  I first began noticing the signs when Paul, Hillary and I ran a few errands late Friday.  Each time I approached Paul's truck I would see the two of them engaged in conversation. Each time I thanked God for what I was seeing having feared only months ago such an exchange might be an impossible dream. 

For the first time Hillary joined us as we traveled the six hour round trip to pick up Max for his weekend visit.  He was so happy and surprised when he opened the door and saw her and it was exactly what she had hoped for.  It was a great way for her to spend more time with Max, but it absolutely wore her out, and she's been paying for it ever since.  Still, the trip would have been unimaginable only weeks ago.  And on that trip, Max's mother took over in so many ways.  The first time I remember was as we stopped at McDonald's (she's fixated on McDonald's chicken nuggets and fries right now...much to Max's pleasure).  I suggested we go to the ladies room while Paul got our drinks... well within view of our table.  She said, "I don't want to leave Max at the table by himself, so let's wait until Dad is sitting here."  The same "Mommy stuff" showed when we made another stop and before getting out she said, "I can go by myself if no one is planning on staying with Max in the car." And while each of those conversations were pleasing to Max, the one that wasn't dealt with bedtimes.  Hillary was quite concerned we were keeping Max out so late on Friday night as she continued to remind us his bedtime was 9 o'clock.  We kept asking for her forgiveness since the trip is such a long one and she eventually gave us a little reprieve.  But on Saturday night, when she realized again we were out too late, we had little excuse except our limited time together and asking for forgiveness.  She was not won over very easily...if ever.

While we hope many days to come will unfold with more and more normalcy, we will be revisiting the far from normal days of her past as we begin a new side road on our journey.  And as with each mile we've traveled so far, this new leg on the scenic route is unchartered territory for us; albeit on exciting fronts.  Our family has the honor to be a part of important legislative discussions that are beginning to be in the forefront of not only states' legislation, but within Congress as well.  I personally have the honor to be in DC this week and will be meeting with Congressman Ed Whitfield where we will be discussing a much needed trauma system as well as the legal rights (and needs) of trauma survivors.  Other public officials are working with our state legislators.   One thing is certain--the important subject of trauma and the limited resources and infrastructure (and laws) available to support at least Kentucky's portion of the 1.5 M trauma victims annually, will find a life and name all its own.  Were it not for Vanderbilt's LifeFlight and Vandy's Trauma Team and Unit, we would not have our daughter today.  Sadly there are so many trauma stories that do not end as Hillary's with so few trauma hospitals and systems in place.  But Hillary's trauma survivors needs did not end at the hospital nor do any other trauma survivors needs or their families and caregivers.  That is where we expect great changes to come which will impact so many others; another true gift from Hillary's journey  Actually, the "Hillary and Max Bill" sounds pretty good to us.

With that said, below is a message to all of you from Max... and right behind, one from Hillary.

Happy Sunday....Thank you for continuing to support our daughter's way back to a normal life.  Down the road in the not too distant future, we hope you may be able to continue helping her fight her way back for other trauma survivors through notes to your legislators for their support of important legislation and funding.

By the way...another important sign for us that life is coming back to "normal":  My mother has just made her way to her morning church service at First Christian Church.  It's been a very long time since she was able to attend.  While we are pretty sure she didn't ZOOM in, we know she eventually will be found in that Church kitchen working her way back to "normal.".

XOXOX

--Shawn

(A note written by Max at half time)

i love u 

(and finished by his dictation as the gang calls)

Thank you for praying for me and my mommy.  Love Max

Cards/Rob and Cubs/Max--Bottom of the second--Game about to be called due to Mercy Rule-Cubs/Max 15- Cards/Rob 0

Hi Everyone.this is Hillary.   I am so glad to be able to see my son and spend time with him.  I feel alive when I am with him  I wanted to thank you for praying for us and helping us both feel so much better. I am so happy to be getting well.  I watched him play outside today and I thanked the Good Lord God for blessing me with my handsome smart son.  I thanked him for the blessings of my friends and family and for giving me a job I love too.  Thank you for your prayers.  I love you--Hillary

The new use for Mom's helmet is apparently customizable

ReCycling at it's best--apparently Mom's helmet is customizable

Hello there Everybody.  It's Hillary.  I am trying to remember my day and I am having a little bit of a hard time but I do remember my new motto.  "No Pain--No Gain"  I hope none of you go through any pain like this.  So please let me know if you need me to do anything for any of you.  I know my handsome smart son is coming home to me tomorrow and we are so blessed and glad he's coming here because he is our best blessing.  God has also blessed me by letting me be alive.  Thank you  Hillary

Every Harley driver needs a helmet from their Mom

Hey There Everyone...It's Hillary.  Thank you each for your many prayers and I will do anything in the world to help each of you with anything you need me to do.  My short term memory is very hard for me to remember.  Therefore every day I am going to try to remember at least one thing from my day to share with you.  I hope you will enjoy my daily memories.  Tonight I went to Outback Steakhouse with my mom and my dad.  It was our first time all together in a resteraunt and we had such a good time.  I had steak and shrimp ...my favorite.  I think I talked to Ashley and I'm pretty sure I spoke with Audrey Gay.  I was hurt in a car accident and it is very hard for me to remember but I am trying my best.  Hillary

Not a good picture but I promised next time I would pay and on the record

My Dad and I discussing whether Mom will ever pay or not

Yesterday we learned a great deal more about Mommy’s left arm.

Finally…the stitches are out on Hillary’s left elbow and though Steri-Strips had to be placed on the incision, they won’t last more than about a week.  Her “torture device” was adjusted and we learned Hillary’s prognosis on the arm had been quite guarded.  If Dr. Tressler told me the details of his concern that evening after her surgery I did not really hear him.  We now know Hillary’s ulnar nerve had been completely encapsulated in the new (and unwanted) bone growth.  The ulnar nerve is important for movement in the upper arm which not only engages the upper arm to move, but offers control to keep the arm from gravity drop with her lack of muscle use.  This brilliant doctor “removed” the nerve and repositioned it in another location in hopes it could reroute and reengage her arm for movement and control.  It wasn’t until Hillary demonstrated new movement in other parts of her arm and hand as well as information shared about conversations with Occupational Therapist, Catherine, that Dr. Tressler felt we could expect great recovery of the arm. Perhaps full recovery….but of course, he continues to be a bit guarded.  As Sammie said today, “We will make it happen and now we have even more reason to ‘show our stuff’”.  In any case, Hillary’s willingness to work the schedule planned for her uncomfortable “torture” device is going to be a challenge.  We recognize it is painful but of course none of us can determine just how painful…except Hillary.   (And she is ready to inform you of that at any moment!)  How can anyone argue with her, and particularly in light of the happiness we feel every time she shows increased cognitive development…which she does every day around most any subject.  But the painful challenges she deals with and how every painful step in her journey is hers and not ours, brings on extremely enlightened and cognitive discussions.  She wants us to be the extremely enlightened ones, if you catch my drift.  .

Paul and I talked last evening about how careful we were when our children were young to avoid the annoying parental habit of bragging on our kids.  And, to a fault, I was guilty of not supporting our children when controversy would arise that might place child against authoritarian such as a teacher.  I still believed in the principles my parents taught me that the world is made up of authorities and each and every one of them had to receive our respect, even if we didn’t always feel they were right.  Their motto was much like John Mellencamp’s :  “…Authority always wins.”   So I would usually take the side of authority and rarely “believe” my children’s side trying perhaps to hard not be one of “those parents” (Quotation marks clearly demonstrated by two fingers from each hand as I say, “those parents”  of course)

Last night we realized I have thrown all the old behavior out and completely and shamelessly have become a bragging Mom.  My kids would say I have become a bragging “Paducah Mom” (A name I now cherish instead of bristle upon hearing that I deserve the name.  But that’s a whole bunch of other stories and a lifetime ago.  Just know Alex Coltharp, I consider that title a fine honor and don’t your forget it!)  But I digress:  It’s true….we have become shamelessly bragging parents and we just can’t help ourselves. When so many of our friends were able to share the joyous news of their children’s scholastic achievements or brilliant accomplishments, we used to laugh at ourselves and say there needs to be a bumper sticker for parents like us that says, “My __(insert school)__ student is fun at parties.”  And oh to be sure the Coltharp kids were!   But after yesterday’s trip to the Trauma Clinic and watching Hillary speak to the women who were around us in the waiting area….watching how deeply she holds the heart of her doctor’s and other’s on that medical team…. I realized it’s impossible not to brag on her.   She’s special in every way. And if she never improves beyond this level, she has gifts to offer beyond anything (or anyone) we have ever met.  She held every single patient and caregiver in that clinic in the palm of her hand.  They couldn’t stay away, even when their individual work for her was completed.  I tell her every day how proud I am to be her Mom and I mean it in every way.  And as Dr. John said to her, “Hillary, you are a better parent in all of this than some on their best days.” 

And the same goes for the rest of our crazy fun kids.  We are so proud to be their parents.  In trying to determine Hillary’s Rancho Level (Coma Stage) today, I remember long ago setting on a bed in Hillary’s hospital room in Vanderbilt reading out the descriptions of each level.  As I read aloud, Paul and I were surrounded by our children who hung on every word -- supporting their sister (and us) all the way.  Looking back on that time, Ashley was often at Hillarys side--swamped with trying to coordinate an army of her “Nashville Girls” who were feeding us and offering respite as we lived through each difficult day. All the while our first born kept a perfect house, excelled in her busy career and dealt with her first pregnancy.   And Alex was driving in from school every possible weekend to help in his own way leaving fun college weekend life behind—offering to help in transportation with her son if a visit was possible, as well as spending the night with his sister.  And Brittany was there to help us in her own way as well, and through the challenges of a six day a week new career.  And it hasn’t stopped.  This weekend our children have decided they are taking over and giving us a chance to be alone and “off duty”… and they aren’t taking “No” for an answer.  They are very special kids and without a doubt, still very fun at parties!

And by the way, that day so many months ago, as I  sat on the bed reading out the Rancho Level descriptions to my family…(hoping above all hope she was embarking on a Level II or a Level III)…I can remember thinking,  “Oh if only she could someday get to a Level VIII.”.  And then I remember also saying to myself, “Uh oh….I’m pretty sure I’m a Level X!”.  But with joyful news we are beginning to see that day very near.  Hillary is definitely showing firm signs of Level VII and we all see such swift progress we feel Level VIII is just around the corner with perhaps some signs already emerging.  ZOOM ZOOM!

And whatever her Rancho Level, we could never be more proud of anyone.  As we left Dr. Tressler’s office yesterday, we left among “Good bye Honey” and “Thanks for talking to me” and so many well wishes I can’t begin to describe them all. We are very proud!

Thanks for loving our girl!

XOXOX

--Shawn

Mommy amazes us.

As Hillary entered the therapy room to begin working with Jerome, her physical therapist, he was warned, “She is going to amaze you!”  Clearly, Jerome didn’t believe it was going to be an amazing day because he said,  “Amaze me?  OK, I would LOVE to be amazed!”  And then he was.  And her therapist never stopped saying, “You’re right…you amazed me.”  Hillary walked beautifully for him and Jerome stated her steps were truly excellently gated and proportional. 

And that great session followed time with her speech therapist, Rene, who said, “Hillary was able to accomplish things she never could have just a few days ago,” She could list ten items well within a minute on all questions.  She followed three step instructions and continued to do so through her full session.  Rene said, “She was 100 percent on and 100 percent correct in all answers and follow through.” 

ZOOM ZOOM!

We've been counting down the day's until Hillary can get her stitches out of her elbow.  The pain from their tight pull on her skin is obstructing her progressive rehab efforts to bend and stretch the arm.  Good news/bad news Hillary's "torture device" will be adjusted for her while she is with her doctor in Nashville tomorrow.  With that behind us, we will begin counting down another couple of upcoming events. Max will return home for another visit on this Friday evening. And then May 1st is marked on our calendar for a couple of additional important opportunities:.1)  Hillary returns to Dr. Konrad on that day to confirm her body has not rejected the bone section he replaced now three weeks ago....though all looks well.  2) May 1st is my mother's birthday and Hillary is working to bring her beautiful voice back so she can sing "Happy Birthday to Maw." 

Thank you for your visits to this site and your patience with all of us.  We are pushing Hillary very hard right now and it keeps us from being timely with updates.  We are so grateful for your continued push as well.  You continue to help in her race back to her life. It's what she want's more than anything.

XOXOX

--Shawn