Tomorrow is Hillary’s birthday. And even though we will eternally celebrate two “birthdays” every year for her now, November 17th is the one that heralded her birth twenty nine years ago. How blessed we are to have her here to mark that special day for our family!
And there could be no better birthday present than taking away one of the greatest birthday gifts she will ever receive. Yesterday we dismantled the lovingly built wheelchair ramp that was installed for her on her birthday homecoming two years ago…on her 27th birthday.
I remember Paul and I being completely overwhelmed with emotion when we looked out our front window to see a group of men we didn’t know—gentlemen from Reidland United Methodist Church–constructing this perfect gift for our girl’s safety. We had been scared to death and totally unprepared for what was ahead including her equipment needs. But there they were, tangibly putting His gifts to work in His honor and glory. (How many times I thought about my lack of commitment to my own Christian service responsibilities as I assisted Paul in dismantling this beautiful ramp.)
And as wonderful as their gift was, (and always will be), it was a so exciting to now give her the birthday gift of our front porch…sans wheelchair ramp. She no longer needs a ramp since she only uses her chair for long distances. Additionally, she had self imposed a goal of being cane free for her birthday, and while every step is methodical and looks as though all her thoughts and focus must be on the next step, she has succeeded!
And in numerous ways her best birthday gift(s) ever—the building and then dismantling of that ramp– continued to be celebrated all day long. We had planned to attend church but in the midst of getting ready, Hillary had an emotional meltdown. She was so sad about the way she looked and cried about what she is able to wear in light of her physical challenges. It was just a rough morning. Paul suggested we have our own “service” at home. And with that, we devised a plan to have Hillary read a youth Bible story and see if her short term memory would allow recall of the story. The pages also asked discussion questions at the end.
Perhaps this exercise helped recall some of her old memories of Bible stories as well. But no question, there were details of the story her short term memory quickly stored and then shared. And as she elaborated on one of the discussion questions regarding modern day application of its message, Hillary said, “Just like the lesson Moses learned about trusting God to help him with his fears, God has given me the strength to face mine. God has helped me do the things I didn’t think I could do like getting out of my wheelchair and getting off of the cane.” She went on to ask if she would need some certification to assist in teaching Sunday School some day; stating for the 100th time that she needs to give back to God and that in her heart she believes He saved her for some reason and some purpose. And then there it was again…..she told us the story of the three Angels who had come to her on the side of the road….every detail still intact and exactly as she had told it to us when she was first able to speak. It was a great Sunday morning service!
And leaving our day there would be so beautiful….so perfect ending….but it wouldn’t speak to the families of brain injury in truth who will face days on their journey that are less than perfect.
I had been eyeing the familiar Walmart photo center envelopes all morning. Hillary had recently discovered these “old” disposable cameras and we were anxious to see what memories had been locked inside them and for how long. Somehow we had forgotten to look at them when we brought them home the evening before. I was sitting at the table with her when we began looking through each package. The first set included pictures of Hillary and her caregivers at CCS—the brain injury residential facility where she had lived for nine months. Included were pictures of Hillary and one of her best friends, Amanda, who has suffered an anoxic brain injury—just eleven months after Hillary’s TBI. They were hard pictures to look at for some reason, but I tried my best not to let her see inside my heart as I passed each picture on to her.
And then I opened the third package. This one hit me like a lightning bolt. They were pictures of our family on our houseboat…..pre-crash. I began holding my breath before turning over each picture knowing what might be coming next. And there she was….sitting on one of the boat’s sofas—cocktail in hand—and smiling her beautiful smile. There was Hillary. In one second’s time I began grieving from inside my soul and out. I cried so quickly it even surprised me. Paul knew without looking what I had seen and though he didn’t say anything, I could feel him already bracing himself as the picture would pass from me to Hillary—and then on to him. I was so ashamed of myself for letting the site of her hit me in this way. What a joke I was to be agreeing with certainty only minutes before Hillary’s insight into completely trusting God and finding purpose in our trials.
But soon she calmed me. She saw the picture too…..and she said, “It’s OK, Mom. I know you are just sad because we’ve changed. I understand and I feel the same way, but I believe I am getting better. No, I AM getting better. And I may be a better person.” She passed the picture on to Paul and waited for the next one.
And then I looked out our front window again—something I would do all day —and looked for what was gone to find truth in what was ahead and promised in God’s word. Hillary’s birthday gift wheelchair ramp was no longer there. When it was built, we had truly trusted God to take it away some day….and He had.
And in every worship service we have in our home church our congregation always says, “Thanks be to God!”
From our writing almost two years to the day:
All the while, outside our front door is a team of wonderful Christian men who we don’t even know building a beautiful ramp for us. Joe, Tom, Keith (Thank you Keith! You and Outback have done soooo much!), TR, Shane and Russ of Reidland’s Methodist Men are miracles to us…THANK YOU!!!! (Thank You is just not enough)
And it still isn’t!
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